not that i would run, but…

don’t worry, i am sure there are damaging images of me somewhere that would preclude my run for office…but if i WERE to run…here’s what i would be screeching about:

-damaging images no longer preclude one from a political career.
-get out of Afghanistan and Iraq
-end the war on drugs/decriminalize marijuana
-rapists, child molesters and elderly-beaters – life in prison no parole
-overhaul the No Child Left Behind Act
-tax the churches
-annex mexico
-legalize prostitution (regulate the business, protect the sex workers and clients from disease and abuse)
-liberals: NO MORE WHINING
-conservatives: NO MORE PREACHING
-shut down Monsanto
-condoms on every corner
-birth control in the water
-every American must screen Waiting for Guffman when they turn 18.
-every American must sample The White Album and Dark Side of the Moon, whenever they want, but before age 25.
-no more plastic production
-Dancing With the Stars is the new enemy of state.
-more rights for divorced dads (overhaul the family courts)
-teachers, social workers, care-givers, first responders — all get audited and those still standing get 40% raises.
-2 words: solar power
-pinot noir, goat cheese, and ginger snaps become their own food groups
-free health insurance for pets (put THAT in your reform pipe and smoke it)
-tea parties are limited to little girls and old ladies, and tea is actually SERVED
-no commercials during Mad Men, The Office, Southpark, or The Famliy Guy.
-stupid is now class 1 misdemeanor
-breeding stupid? a felony
-production of styrofoam, phenylalanine, Scientologists, bovine growth hormone, and Jon Gosselin’s TV career stop NOW
-bike lanes in every city and town
-Halliburton-KBR pay us all back for the wanton quadruple over-billing of the wars in iraq and afghanistan – WITH TREBEL DAMAGES.
-no more selling “skinny”
-dark chocolate for everyone!

my name is andrea and i approve this ad


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